This is My God

Hardened

Bitter

Growing Resentment

I feel the draining cycle.

When my human nature decides to rebel against God.

Stop talking to Him,  taking Him seriously. Get Noise to fill that quiet space

Then I start to reject

I know He knows better than me

But I start to be selfish

I’m blessed more than I can understand

But yet, still I rebel

I sink further and further

I feel... I hear God calling me

Yet I refuse to rise to it.

I do the work... I reach out to others who need me

But I start to disbelieve

Sinking into depression, despair and sorrow.

I start to reject

I start to go back to who I was before,

before I met God intimately.

I stop reading the word, reject the devotionals

With cynical mind

I think oh I’ve heard it all before

What more can you say to me now.

But I forget, the Word of God is like food,

Nourishment to my spirit.

My source of peace.

I realise I’m angry, I’m numb and I’m cold

I feel empty.

I feel locked out of my head and feel locked in at the same time.

I still hear Him trying to break down the walls I’ve built up

I feel Him there… saying just let me take the pain

I still don’t accept it.

Until I can’t handle it anymore..

Then I break down..

With shame I return to God.

I don’t know what to say.. He’s perfect

I’m not

My heart and flesh has failed me

But He’s the answer to my soul.

With Him, I can say it is well..

Jesus Has overcome. The Victory Is Won

I know this…

But I need my heart to understand this properly.

I need my flesh to submit to this.

I need to rise out of the despair and the sorrow

I have drenched myself in.

I have to rise on the Eagle wings He has promised me in Isaiah

I need to rise into the presence of God

And Fall before him....On my knees

And beg for forgiveness.

Like the prodigal son He welcomes me Home.

My Soul fills slowly with Joy and Peace

I wonder why did I leave here in the first place

I took my eyes of God, and like Peter

I sink in the storm of Life

His Grace is more than enough

More than I need

His Word I will believe

His Spirit made Me New again.

He lit the way

By The power of His word

I am redeemed,

I am restored.

Because by His Grace

I rose because He called my name..

And I will fall at his feet.

Simply because He Freely gave it all for us.

Surrendered His Life upon that Cross.

Great Is the Love

Poured out for me.

This is My God and I will Worship Him there.